


to live for the hope of it all

by Ravens_World



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-15 00:13:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29427231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ravens_World/pseuds/Ravens_World
Summary: The team faces the possibility of losing Buck, and it forces Eddie to confront the feelings he has for Buck."You can't die," he blurted out. Eddie was met with silence and he closed his eyes."I don't want to," Buck whispered. "I'm trying my best not to, Eddie."
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Bobby Nash, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 18
Kudos: 362
Collections: 9-1-1 Tales





	to live for the hope of it all

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Everything_in_between](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Everything_in_between/gifts).



> You wanted Angst with a happy ending, and I hope I delivered! This is just a small 6K Thank you for being so supportive of me 🖤 
> 
> I hope you all like it
> 
> Happy Reading!!

" _Cap?! Cap, can you hear me?_ "

Eddie braced his hands on the truck and let his head hang down, his eyes closed in relief. 

Bobby let out a relieved breath. "Yeah, Buck, I hear ya. What the hell happened? Where are you?"

" _Cap, I've got the last victim, but I'm trapped_."

"Status?"

" _We're- Vince is a worker here, he'll tell.you exactlywhere we are._ " A stranger's voice came on, nervous and faint, and the man rattled off their location. Then Buck was back. " _He's conscious and alert, but he's having trouble breathing. I'm gonna split the oxygen between the two of us, but-_ "

"But?"

His voice was significantly lower when he answered. " _But it's not gonna last long."_

"How long are we talking, Buck?"

" _No more than half an hour. I think you guys might need to talk him through a way out of here, cap. I- my leg's stuck."_

Eddie's heart stopped. Hell, it felt like time itself had stopped with those words. What Buck suggested would mean cutting off communications. "No," Eddie whispered.

" _Vince, you'll have to go on without me._ "

" _Hell no, man,_ " they heard the man exclaim, but despite the words, he sounded weak. " _There must be something I can do. I can't just leave you."_

The sound cut off, and Eddie knew Buck must be trying to talk the man into leaving him. 

It took two minutes before Buck was back. " _Cap, he's ready, if you could just_ -"

They heard a loud bang and Buck screamed. 

"Buck!" 

They waited, stunned and terrified beyond belief, for Buck to reply.

"Buckley-"

" _Here, Cap_." Buck sounded wrecked. " _Vincent- cap, he- another piece of the metal walkway just fell on top of him. I can't- I can't reach him."_

" _Vincent_ ," Buck called out hoarsely. " _Vincent, can you hear me? Damn it!"_

"Talk to me, Buckley," Bobby ordered briskly.

 _"I can't see all that well, Cap. But, he's not- he's not moving."_ A strangled scream, followed by a curse. _"He's- he's awake! Vincent_!"

There was static again, and Bobby moved off to where the other units were gathered, probably to debrief them on the situation. 

Eddie followed hot on his heels, and was glad he didn't have to participate much in the planning, mostly because he couldn't seem to focus.

" _Cap_?"

Bobby trailed off, and his attention turned immediately to the radio. "Yeah, Buck?"

" _He's dead_." 

Buck sounded numb, like he wasn't quite there anymore. Eddie felt his heart break for his best friend; he knew Buck just how badly he would be affected by this loss, and Eddie was sure Buck would blame himself for not being able to help him.

" _It's getting worse here, cap_."

Bobby moved away from the group, and Eddie followed. Bobby nodded at him when he came to stand beside him.

"Buck, we're gonna do everything we can to get you out, do you hear me, kid? But I'm gonna need your help."

" _Yeah_ ," Buck said, voice strangled and somewhat breathless.

"Alright, first things first, are you hurt?"

There was no answer, and Eddie anxiously ran a hand through his hair. 

"Buck?"

Please, God, not him. Not now. 

"Buck?! Answer-"

" _I'm here_ ," Buck gasped.

Bobby seemed to be trying to get his emotions under control. "Good, that's good. Now, answer my question, are you hurt?"

Buck was quiet again, but this time, before they could freak out, he answered. " _Bobby_ ," he began, tone soft, and Eddie knew what he was going to say. " _Bobby, it doesn't matter- I can't-_ " he heard the beginning of a strangled cough, then the sound cut off. 

Eddie's head snapped up, and his eyes met Bobby's. "Is he-?" He didn't finish, mainly because he didn't know what he wanted to ask the older man. _Is he dead, or dying? Is he hurt? Is he giving up, or asking us to give up._

Bobby shook his head, and Eddie noticed there were tears in his eyes. "He doesn't want us to hear." He cleared his throat, and spoke into the radio. "Buck, we're doing everything we can to get you out, okay?"

The radio crackled back to life, and Buck's voice came through, subdued, but somehow calm. " _Cap, I don't think there's any way in or out of here."_

Bobby shook his head in denial. "We'll find one," he promised, voice level despite the devastation Eddie could see in his eyes. "You don't get to give up, okay? We're coming for you."

" _No_ ," Buck exclaimed. " _I don't want anyone else to get hurt because of me, please. Please, Bobby_." 

"No one's gonna get hurt, Buck. We're all walking out of this alive, do you hear me?"

" _Thanks, Bobby_ ," Buck said, voice thick.

Bobby smiled. "It's what-"

"- _for not giving up on me,_ " Buck continued. It sounded like he was saying goodbye, and Eddie's blood ran cold. Bobby wasn't doing much better; his smile had fallen off his face the second Buck had uttered the words.

"Buck-"

_"I know I didn't make it easy for you."_

Bobby shook his head. "We're not doing this, do you hear me? You're not saying goodbye."

Buck's breath hitched and then there was silence on his end. " _Might- it's just in case, okay? Please_."

Bobby's face crumbled. "Okay."

" _You saved me, you know. If it weren't for you-_ " here he coughed a little, and it sounded strangled. "- _if it weren't for you, I'd probably still be adrift, going from job to job, not sticking around for much anywhere. But you,"_ another strangled cough, then the sound cut off for a few seconds before he came back on. "- _even when I didn't always deserved it, you never gave up on me."_

Bobby didn't bother to stop the tears now. "You always deserved it, son."

Buck made it a sound that was a hybrid between a laugh and a sob. " _I stole the firetruck. More than once. Any other captain and I would have been fired."_

Bobby laughed. 

Eddie's heart stopped, and he couldn't breathe until he heard Buck speak again. "Who else is there?" 

Bobby closed his eyes. "Don't you dare give up, Buck."

"I'm not," he promised.

Bobby seemed ready to crawl out of his skin, and Eddie wasn't that far behind. He handed the radio over to Eddie, but Eddie just stared at the radio like it was a time bomb. "Eddie," Bobby said, somewhat impatient. 

" _Bobby_?"

Eddie's heart squeezed painfully in his chest at the shakiness of Buck's voice, at the tendrils of fear he could hear creeping into his words. Eddie just stood there, staring down at the radio in Bobby's shaking hands, willing his own to move and take it.

He looked desperately at Bobby, and was met with soft eyes and pursed lips 

"Chim," Bobby called, and Eddie felt like he could breathe again.

There were running footsteps, then Chimney was there, and Bobby handed the radio over wordlessly. 

"Keep him talking," he ordered him, then turned to Eddie. "Let's check in with the others, see if we can find a way out." 

Chimney gave him a look that was a combination of apprehension and confusion, then looked away, focusing on the radio. "Buck?"

" _Hey, Chim_ -" 

Eddie couldn't take hearing him like that, weak and helpless and defeated, and so he took off in Bobby's direction.

Buck had given up, that much was clear, but Eddie couldn't just stand by and hear him die. 

He came to stand beside Bobby, and the older man's shoulder brushed his. Eddie turned to him, and was relieved to see the same determination he was feeling mirrored in his captain's eyes. 

When Chim joined them five minutes later, his eyes were red and he seemed to be fighting back tears. His eyes went to Eddie first, but Bobby intervened and handed the radio over to Hen, who squared her shoulders and clenched her jaw, then marched off like she was walking into a battlefield, and Eddie smirked, because he just knew Buck was going to get an earful for having quit so fast. 

"You okay?" He heard Bobby murmur as he leaned close to Chimney. 

"Yeah," Chim told him, and he somehow managed to sound pissed off, determined and scared at the same time. "Damn kid," he muttered.

"Yeah," Bobby agreed.

Eddie focused on the briefing as much as he could, but his mind kept straying toward one single, terrifying thought;

What if Buck was right, and there was no way to get him out? Eddie wasn't sure he had the strength to grieve another person he loved. Christopher- God, his son would be devastated.

Eddie wasn't sure he could survive it again.

Hen came back in the same state Chimney had been in, and when Eddie saw her extend the radio to him, he shook his head. Hen frowned at him, and she pushed it into his hands, but he refused to grab hold of it. 

"Eddie-"

"No," he hissed through gritted teeth. "I'm not gonna let him say goodbye, Hen. I can't make him think it's okay to give up."

Her gaze hardened, and she poked him with the end of the radio. "That is not what this is. We're not telling him to give up-"

Eddie shook his head. "No."

"Eddie-"

"I said no, Hen," he snapped.

Hen took a breath, and Bobby put a hand on her arm. He locked eyes with his captain, who gave him an unreadable look. Bobby pried the radio from Hen's firm grip and cleared his throat. "Buck, are you there?"

" _Bobby_?" 

"Yeah, kid."

" _Where's Eddie_?" He sounded small, and lost. Eddie's eyes filled with tears and he stalked off, desperate to just get away. Bobby only gave him a few seconds before he came after him, radio in hand. 

Eddie, from his crouched position, looked up at the man, and he shook his head helplessly, his heart in his throat. He wanted to be brave enough to take the radio and talk to Buck, but he didn't think he would be able to keep it together after that conversation, and he couldn't afford to fall apart now. 

"Is he okay?"

Bobby smiled sadly. "As okay as he can be. I think he's scared. " 

"Don't," Eddie snapped, then looked away from the man's knowing stare. "I can't- I can't talk to him, Bobby."

Bobby sat down next to him, and patted his knee. "Okay," he told him simply. 

"Hey, Buck? Still with me?"

Eddie's eyes slammed shut and he waited for his response.

" _Yeah_." Though his voice was quiet and hoarse, hearing him say that one word was such a relief. His legs couldn't hold him up anymore, and he collapsed onto the dirt, back against the truck and legs stretched out in front of him. Bobby squeezed his shoulder and when he saw understanding in his expression, Eddie knew that his captain was going to get him to talk for Eddie's benefit. He tried to muster up a grateful smile, and he must have done a decent job of it, because he got one in return. 

"Gonna need you to keep talking to me, Buck," Bobby requested, and he managed to sound both soft and firm.

"' _bout what?"_ Buck asked, almost absentminded.

"Anything you want."

" _Hmmm- can't really think of anything_."

"What was the last thing you read about?"

" _Koalas_."

Eddie laughed wetly and covered his face with both hands. 

"Why Koalas?"

" _Chris_ ," Buck answered, voice strained.

He and Bobby exchanged worried looks. "What about Chris?" Bobby asked him, and Eddie admired him for not losing his cool despite how scared he seemed.

" _School project. I helpe_ -" there was a strangled yell, then the sound cut off.

"Buck? Buck?! Hey, don't shut us out, kid. Answer me," Bobby called out, voice strong and clear. "Buck!"

Eddie stood up and started pacing, his heart going a mile a minute. 

Any minute now, he was going to answer. Any minute now, he tried to convince himself. 

"Buck, come on, kid, answer me," Bobby pleaded. The cool facade was gone, and it was replaced by a shaking voice, shaking hands and the same suffocating desperation Eddie was feeling. 

Everything around him faded away, and all that was left was one destructive thought: 

He'd been a coward, and it had cost him the chance to say goodbye to one of the most important people in his life. Buck had asked for him, had wanted to say goodbye and Eddie had let his fear rule him and had lost the one chance he had at talking to Buck one last time. 

"-ddie! Eddie, snap out of it, he's alive," the words finally registered and he gasped. Bobby let go of his shoulders and pressed the radio into his waiting hands. "Bobby," he gasped.

"I get it," the older man told him. "I get how awful this is going to be, but you have to talk to him. We might not- Eddie, there's a good chance we could lose him." Eddie shook his head in denial and Bobby shook him. "Stop running," he snapped. Eddie's eyes snapped to his. 

He gripped the radio and pulled it into his chest.

Bobby smiled sadly, and he looked proud. "keep him talking. I'm going to get an update." Bobby's eyes met his, and he glared at him. "We're getting him out of there alive, do you hear me? Now talk to him," Bobby ordered him, and Eddie almost believed him, almost let himself hope, but then he felt how badly his captain's hands were still shaking, and understood that this belief was so baseless it was as good as a pipe dream.

"Buck?" He meant for it to come out strong, maybe even cheerful, but all he managed was a broken whisper.

Nothing but static reached his ear, and Eddie's heart beat so loudly in his ear that he had a hard time hearing anything else.

" _Eddie_?" 

He sounded weak, and the word was so quiet he thought he imagined it. "Buck?"

Nothing. He slumped back against the truck. 

Maybe he had imagined it. 

"Buck? Come on, don't do this to me," Eddie pleaded,

" _I'm here_ ," Buck rasped, and to Eddie's surprise, he sounded stronger than he had earlier. "Eddie?"

"Yeah."

 _"Where did- did you disappear- on me?"_ he kept cutting off, and then he chuckled. ""

"I- Buck, I'm sorry-"

" _Hey, it's okay. I think- I think I get it.._ " 

"Get what?"

" _Why it's hard to talk to me right now. It's the same reason I can't get myself to say goodbye to you now."_

Eddie closed his eyes. "We're getting you out. Just, don't give up, okay?"

 _"I know you're trying, Eddie, but-_ "

"You're not giving up. I won't let you," Eddie snapped, breathing faster.

" _Okay. Okay, Eddie. I won't give up, I promise you,"_ he soothed, and Eddie felt ashamed. He was supposed to be calming Buck down, he was supposed to reassure him. Buck could be dying in that building, and yet Eddie was the one falling apart.

"How's it going?" He asked, going for light and teasing, mainly because if he didn't, he'd end up either crying or yelling, and neither of them would want that.

Buck went along with it. " _Well, it's a bit harder to breathe now than it was five minutes ago and I can't feel my leg anymore, but other than that, it's all peachy."_

"You can't die," he blurted out. Eddie was met with silence and he closed his eyes. 

_"I don't want to,"_ Buck whispered. " _I'm trying my best not to, Eddie."_

"You've been saying goodbye to everyone." It came out harsher than he wanted it to, and he sounded accusatory. 

" _The last conversation I had with Hen and Chimney was about chickens, Eddie. With Bobby, it was about fridge magnets of all things. It's weird but I don't want that to be the last thing they remember about me, you know?"_

He swallowed. "And us?"

"What about us?" Buck said after a beat of silence.

"What was our last conversation?"

Buck laughed. " _You were trying to convince me to watch Star Wars."_

Eddie smiled. "I can't believe you've lived to be twenty-nine and you still haven't watched it."

" _It's stupid_. "

"It's not- it's a-"

" _Eddie_ ," Buck chided him, and he knew he'd been caught. " _Listen_ -" he started coughing and the sound cut off abruptly.

"Buck, don't do that, okay? I want to hear you cough, I want to hear you scream, do you hear me? It's better than thinking something happened to you. Please."

His knuckles were white around the radio, and he stared at them until Buck spoke.

" _Okay. Okay_." He took a deep breath. " _Thank you, Eddie."_

Eddie laughed. "What for?"

" _For being my friend. For giving me a second chance after that disastrous first impression."_

"Aww, come on," he teased. "Baby Buck trying to mark his territory was actually cute."

Buck chuckled. " _Oh, shut up._ " 

" _Thank you for being my friend ever since, and for trusting me with Christopher."_ Eddie noticed the way he barely managed to choke out his son's name and felt his own throat tighten. " _God, Christopher. Will you tell him- tell him I love him? And- you'll be okay, right? Both of you?"_ Buck, up to this point, had been the calmer one out of the two of them, but now he seemed on the verge of a panic attack. 

"Buck? Hey, listen to me. Are you listening?" 

" _Yeah_ ," he stuttered. 

"You're okay now, we're okay now." He tried to soothe him. Hyperventilating now meant more oxygen consumption and that meant less time time for them to get him out alive. "And that's what we're going to focus on right now, okay. I'm here, and I'm okay. You're here, and you're- relatively okay."

Buck let out a laugh that turned inyo a sob, and Eddie had a hard time controlling his own tears. Part of him wanted to pass off the radio onto someone else, but another part of him wanted to stay, to talk to Buck, to help him as much as he could. "I had an idea about a week ago, that you, me and Christopher could go camping? Or maybe-"

" _Eddie_?" He cut him off. "I think I-

"Yeah, Buck?"

_"I think I-"_

There was an explosion inside the factory, and shortly after that, there was a scream from Buck.

" _Buck! Buck, can you hear me?"_

This couldn't be happening. They should have had more time. Eddie had needed more time. Five minutes weren't enough. Though Eddie suspected a lifetime wouldn't be enough to say goodbye to one of the most important people in his life. 

" _Evan_!"

"Eddie," Bobby said as he extended his hand toward him. Eddie, thinking he probably wanted to take the radio, his last connection to Buck, flinched away from him. Hen and Chimney joined them, but he paid them no mind. 

"Eddie," the captain held both shoulders in his hands and shook him. "We found a way in, but we have to move now. Are you good to do this?"

Eddie nodded shakily and with a herculean effort, pulled himself together, and focused on the job. 

He watched Bobby hand over the radio to Athena, who Eddie hadn't even noticed, and then they took off.

They split into two teams, covering both exits. Bobby was with Hen, and Eddie was with Chimney. They entered, but couldn't get that far. Eddie tried, and he waree further inside while debris fell all around them, but ultimately, Chimney caught him around the waist and hauled him out. Eddie fought him every step of the way, but it wasn't enough.

Then, he was outside, and all hopes of finding Buck were lost. His legs couldn't hold him up, so he just fell to the concrete floor and watched the flames. It could have been seconds, minutes, or even hours that he was there, but Eddie simply didn't care. He was dimly aware of Chimney on the radio, and then talking to him, trying to get his attention. 

Eddie didn't respond, just kept his eyes on the fire. Because this was safe. The Eddie who was sitting here was comfortably numb. There was no grief, no pain, no regret, no guilt. He was only dimly aware that those would come later, and so he wanted to delay them as best as he could.

Chimney hauled him up, and Eddie didn't resist. He was also muttering something under his breath that Eddie didn't bother trying to figure out, but then he started towing him away from Buck, away from the flames and from the numbness, and Eddie struggled. 

Chimney let go easily, and by then they were almost at the street where other crews were milling around. He held Eddie's face between his hands and patted his cheek firmly. "Eddie. Eddie, I need you to look over there." He had to repeat it twice before Eddie was able to follow along and-

He thought it was a figment of his imagination, at first.

He was sitting in the back of an ambulance, one leg extended, and the other bent. Even dirty and tired and looking miserable, he was the best thing, the most beautiful thing, Eddie had laid eyes on. He tried to run, but his legs couldn't carry him, shaky as they were, so he took it slow. A small part of him told him to walk just to make sure it was him, that this wasn't just a dream that he'd wake from in a few seconds. 

He got closer, and closer, and he watched him breathe, watched him speak to Bobby and the paramedics and all the while, all he could think about were three little words that he'd regretted not saying ever since they'd lost contact. 

_I love you._

He was close now, and Buck hadn't noticed him yet, but Eddie was okay with that.

_I love you._

Buck looked up, and their eyes locked and somehow, it seemed like his body woke up from a deep sleep and he found himself jogging to close the few feet between them. 

_I love you._

He reached him, and didn't allow him the chance to attempt getting up. He threw himself into Buck's waiting arms, and he breather him in.

_I love you._

He smelled like ash and smoke and sweat. He was the embodiment of misery, and yet, Eddie gladly held him, gladly breathed him in. 

_I love you._

Buck buried his face in Eddie's neck, and felt a couple of tears dampen the skin there. 

_I love you._

He was never going to let him go. 

.

Buck didn't want to go to the hospital, that much was clear, but to Eddie's surprise, he hadn't voiced his displeasure. He understood why when he made to get up, and Bobby's fingers turned stark while as he tightened his grip on Buck's jacket.

Buck let go of Eddie's hand to grab a hold of Bobby's, and Eddie didn't miss the shaking of his hands. "I'm okay, Bobby."

"Yeah, you are," he said out loud, but the shadows in his eyes said 'but you almost weren't' and Eddie knew what that was like, he knew that feeling intimately, as a parent. So, although it killed him, although it made his breath stutter, he stepped away from Buck and let Bobby go with him.

"Eddie?" Bobby asked. 

"You go," he told him kindly, and attempted a smile that probably turned out more like a grimace than anything else. 

"You sure?"

He nodded tightly, even though every fiber of his being told him to shout no and go with him instead.

"Yeah, cap," Chimney said as he came to stand beside him. "We'll catch up."

Bobby nodded gratefully at Eddie, then climbed in. The last thing Eddie saw was Buck laying down on the gurney and Bobby grabbing his hand. 

His heart squeezed inside his chest and Eddie was sure he wouldn't be able to take a full breath until he saw Buck again. 

Chimney dropped Eddie off at the hospital, then went to get Maddie himself. Eddie entered the waiting room and found Hen, Bobby and Athena. His captain had his head on Athena's shoulder, while her head rested on his. They both had their eyes closed, but he was sure they weren't sleeping. Hen was standing on Athena's right, and she had her hand on her shoulder.

"Hey," he greeted them, and they all jolted like they were electrocuted. "How's he doing?"

"The doctor is making sure everything is okay," Athena told him. "Our boy will be fine," she assured him with a pat to the arm. "Hen, I'm gonna go get everyone a coffee, you wanna join me?"

"Sure," Hen agreed easily, giving Eddie a quick smile and a light squeeze to the shoulder. 

Eddie took Athena's empty seat beside Bobby and enjoyed the silence for a few seconds. Then he spoke. "You okay, cap?"

"I am." He answered firmly. "It never gets easier. Seeing him get hurt." Bobby leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. "Every time this happens, every single time, part of me just wants to keep him away from this job, away from all this pain. It's not my place, I know that," he laughed, then covered his eyes with his eyes hands. Eddie thought he was going to cry, but then he removed his hands and his eyes seemed dry, if a little red. "But God, I just want to keep him safe. This one was close. Too close."

"Yeah." Eddie smiled, and he wished he could be here to hear what Bobby had to say, to know just how much he was loved. "Christopher may not seem like it, but he can be a daredevil sometimes. You tell him he can't do something? He does it, or at least tries his best to. I learned that the best way to handle that was to tell him he could do anything he wanted, and to stay close. I learned to bite my tongue when he fell, or got hurt and my first reaction would be to pick him up, dust him off and tell him to stop trying."

Bobby frowned. "Buck isn't-" at Eddie's raised eyebrows, he seemed to give up and shrugged. "This kid will be the death of me."

"He sure keeps us on our toes."

"How are you doing?"

Eddie shrugged. "I'm fine."

"Chimney told me you were unresponsive after he had to bodily drag you out of the factory." Eddie looked down at his hands, and did his best to avoid Bobby's knowing gaze. "I get it."

"Huh?"

"I understand. Are you two together?"

Eddie's head jerked up and his mouth fell open. "We're not, I swear-"

"Eddie, right now, I'm not your captain, I'm a friend. So, you're not together?" Bobby checked again, and Eddie didn't know whether to laugh or be mortified. 

"No."

"Well, do you have feelings for him?"

"I love him," he said softly, even though he hadn't been planning on saying it. "Is that-?" He trailed off, and he didn't even know what he'd intended to ask. 

"And have you told him?" 

"Of course not."

Bobby raised both eyebrows.

"I don't know how to. And it's not just about our feelings, Bobby. It's about Christopher, our jobs, the fact that I might ruin the one of best things that happrned to me because I got greedy and wanted more."

"And what if you don't ruin it, but make it better?"

Eddie stared at him. "Are you- telling me to go for it?"

"Yes, I am. Life's too short, kid."

"But what about our jobs?"

"It'll be hard, but I'll walk you both through it. It'll be a bumpy ride for you, and you'll be in the hot seat. So, you better to figure out if he's worth it to you."

To his surprise, the answer was a resounding yes. He hadn't even hesitated. "He is."

"Good."  
.

Buck had minimal smoke inhalation and he had to stay off his leg for a couple of weeks. There weren't any breaks or fractures, but there was a pretty deep cut on his calf that would take some time to heal.

When everyone was gathered in the room around him, that was when Eddie got the story of how Buck had gone out. He'd assumed Hen and Bobby had been luckier in finding a way in, but it turned out that they hadn't had a chance to go in. Buck had met them at the door, axe in hand and limping. 

Buck had saved himself and it made Eddie inexplicably proud.

When Buck was released, they took turns visiting him and whenever it was his turn, Bobby would fix him with a pointed look that made Eddie want to roll his eyes. He knew his captain wanted them both to be happy, but spilling his guts to his best friend wouldn't be the easiest thing in the world. 

Eddie just hoped that by the time he managed to get himself to do it, it wouldn't be too late.  
.

It happened three weeks later. Buck was back to work, though Bobby had forced him to take it easy, but both Eddie and Christopher were rattled by the close call and that was why they were spending so much time with Buck.

He went out to buy some snacks, but ended up running late when he saw an accident and helped out until help got there. 

When he got to Buck's apartment, it was quiet. He put the grocery bags on the table and made his way to the couch where Buck and Christopher were laying down and found them both asleep. 

He sat down on the table in front of them, and merely watched. They were both on their sides, and Christopher's back was to him. His head was buried in Buck's chest, while Buck's chin rested on top of his son's head. His large hands were wrapped tightly around Christopher's back, and Eddie knew just from the fact that Christopher was sleeping on the outside that Buck had fallen asleep first and his son had decided to join him. 

He had the urge to take out his phone and take a picture, but talked himself out of it like he did almost every time before. 

But then Christopher moved closer, and one of his hands settled on Buck's chest, and tightened into.a fist, and Buck pulled him closer still and they looked-

Eddie took out his phone and snapped a picture.

He shook Buck awake, and was startled when his eyes flew open immediately. "Eddie?"

"Hey."

Buck looked down and his eyes visibly softened when they landed on Christopher. He hugged him close, then looked to Eddie. "Guess we're not watching the movie after all."

"No," he agreed. "We should head out."

Buck's face fell. But then his mood did a 180 and he grinned "You two can stay the night. I'll give up the bed for you two, and, I'll even make you two breakfast." 

Eddie hesitated, but only for a second. "Okay. But you and Chris take the bed. I'm good on the couch."

"Eddie-"

"Non-negotiable." Buck rolled his eyes but nodded. "I'll take him up."  
.

When he came back down, Buck was still stretched out on the couch. He was scrolling through his phone and it seemed almost mindless. When he saw him, he swung his legs over and sat up, making room for Eddie. "Do you wanna watch something?"

He wanted to kiss him. 

For three weeks, he'd had to keep that, and the fact that he loved him, hidden. Bobby hadn't said anything to him about it, and Eddie didn't know whether to dread it or be relieved by it. 

Truth was, he was scared of upsetting the balance. Things were going well for them and the three of them had a good thing going and Eddie didn't want to ruin it. 

He did have feelings for Buck, but he wasn't 100% sure Buck felt the same. There were moments, fleeting moments, where he thought his feelings were recuperated, but he tried not to examine those too closely.

But Eddie had to admit, he was getting tired of keeping things in. Maybe it was time for him to take a leap of faith. Eddie took a breath. "We need to talk."

Buck searched his face for a few seconds, then he muted the TV and turned to him, one leg planted on the floor and the other bent underneath him. "Sounds serious."

"Potentially life-changing."

His eyebrows jumped to his hairline. " _Okay_."

"When you were trapped in the factory, I- I nearly lost it, Buck. I couldn't imagine my life without you in it. And when we lost contact? The one thing that kept running through my head is that I didn't tell you."

Buck clasped his wrist and squeezed comfortingly, but the comfort didn't come from the touch itself; it came from the fine tremors he could feel were cousing through Buck's hand.

He was nervous, so that at least meant they were in the same boat. 

"That I-" he looked into the warm blue eyes, and then took in the small smile on his full lips and all the nervousness was gone. Eddie scooted closer, until their knees touched. "I realized that I love you, Buck."

Buck let out a breath and laughed softly. Then he leaned in, and Eddie moved back. The smile fell off Buck's face and he frowned. "Do you not-"

Eddie gripped his hand. "Buck, I want this. I do. But- we need to talk about everything before we go any further."

He relaxed, then nodded. "Okay." 

"First thing; Christopher."

"What about Christopher?"

Eddie blew out a breath. "Dating won't be- it won't be easy. I'll have to cancel dates because he needs me or he's sick or he wants us to go to the zoo. Some days, I'll be so exhausted at the end of the day I may forget that we had a date-"

"Eddie," he interrupted gently. "This isn't- it's not like I'm someone completely new. I'll survive a few canceled dates, and you can bet that if Chris was sick, I'd be right there with you, offering any help I can. If he wants to go to the zoo, and he's okay with me being there, then that's where I'll be; with you two. This isn't- I won't go into this thinking I'll be your number one priority."

Eddie had to admit that the hardest thing he'd ever had to do in his life was stopping himself from kissing Buck right then and there. "Okay."

"Okay," Buck said happily, then he leaned in. Eddie leaned back again and Bucknlet out a frustrated breath. "What now?"

Eddie couldn't help it. He laughed. "We're gonna have to keep this quiet for a few weeks, test the waters. That means not even Maddie can know, Buck."

"Okay."

"I just want us to be sure that this is something we both want. Because after that, we'll have to tell Bobby. And we'll probably be on probation for a while, to see if it will affect how we work together and-"

"Anything else?" Buck interrupted.

Eddie rolled his eyes. "What?"

"I'd _really_ like to kiss you right now, so, are you done?"

He chuckled. "Yeah, I'm don-"

Buck's lips were on his befor he managed to get the words out and Eddie closed his eyes at the overwhelming sense of rightness that flooded him at the contact. His hands settled on Buck's hips, anchoring him as he leant over him. Buck's hands, on the other hand, roamed freely. He ran them through Eddie's hair, then down the back of his neck, and his touch was feather light and teasing in the best way possible. 

" _Off_ ," Buck muttered against his lips as he tugged at Eddie's shirt. 

"Christopher's upstairs," Eddie muttered, and Buck immediately let go of the shirt. 

He attempted to move away from Eddie, but he didn't let him move far. "What are you doing?"

Buck was confused. "You said Christopher's upstairs. I thought-"

"I just meant we can't go any further than making out like a couple of teenagers on the couch."

Buck laughed and Eddie pulled him in. "Thank you, though."

"Huh?"

"Thanks for not even complaining about it."

Buck smiled. "I'm in this for the long haul, Eddie. I know what I'm getting into and I wouldn't have you any other way. I mean it."

Eddie's heart did a somersault in his chest, and he tugged at him until Buck's forehead rested gently on his. "I really do love you."

Bu smiled, boyish and soft.

"I love you, too."


End file.
